nevincrain

@nevincrain

Nevin Crain

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Favs Rec'd 1,165
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Followers 512
On the verge. Sarcastic inspirational contradictions for business, life and entertainment.
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@nevincrain best tweets
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nevincrain
My inner voice is giving me the silent treatment.
@nevincrain
Retweet Details
nevincrain
I love following someone that does not follow back. Makes me feel like I’m still married.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Ok Twitter I am finding it difficult to get any work done with you lurking over my shoulder.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Ok who stole my baseball bat? How can I be expected to motivate people without a bat?
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Would like to re-open the discussion that concluded “drinking is not the answer.” I believe new evidence shows it’s the only answer.
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nevincrain
Noticed that 80% of my stars are from women. Thanks ladies. Dudes if you don’t start giving out stars I’m going to start dating your sister.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
My ex wife was a dirty fighter but unlike Mike Tyson she would never bite your ear off. Nope, she wants you to hear every word.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Yes I’m being inspiration today. I’m way too hung over to be funny. For funny check back after I find my pants and the owner of this goat.
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nevincrain
Yes step mother by my star count it does appear I have no talent. By the way how are your sons, still in Jail?
@nevincrain
nevincrain
If work finds performance enhancing drugs in my drug test do you think I will get a raise, maybe a nice performance bonus?
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Your voice annoys the hell out of me but your breasts have my attention.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
You know getting my laundry done did not give me the feeling of fulfillment I was expecting. Maybe a Grey Goose and something will…
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Apparently Miami Beach is taking over for Vegas as the fake breast capital of the World. Not that I noticed, I mean I was there for work.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
I’m watching Jurassic Park and this angry T-Rex sure reminds me of my ex-wife. I sure miss the fangs and the screams of the innocent.
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nevincrain
If the voices in my head were my personal board of directors I'd fire them all for being incompetent & massive inappropriate behavior.
@nevincrain
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nevincrain
Promotional consideration for tonight brought to you by an overload of Norepinephrine & Dopamine. Good Times.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Sunday to-do list; Item 1) Make to do list. Item 2) Take nap. I think that's enough overachieving for the day.
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nevincrain
Was on the road. If I change lanes then she changes lanes then me then her then me then her. That’s 4play right?
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nevincrain
My stepmother thinks I need to find a woman more like her. So now I'm looking for an alcoholic, chain smoker that tells me how much I suck.
@nevincrain
nevincrain
Stop taunting me with your stars, no I don’t have star envy. By the way have you seen the size of my??????????????
@nevincrain