this guy kinda smells like a porn store. and i kinda like it.

This scene is a shark tank. Stay out of the water if you're wounded.

Criss Angel is in the house. Making earrings disappear.

Stop saying NOM NOM already.

The last thing Id put in my mouth right now is a salmon croquette.

"yogurt" does not have an "h" in it. so knock it off already.

You NEVER hear about the sporkicides. Now...DO you?

Lets bring back THE GREAT GATSBY look long before Leonardo. #trendwatch

Dont get all SCATMAN CROTHERS on me, MAN.

You say "sordid mess" like it's a bad thing.

Its 2011. If you cant successfully navigate an ATM transaction in less than 5 minutes, you should be put out of your misery. #rage

"My dog is going to reveal our relationship to the press." - overheard at #DateNight

Oasis "Dont Look Back in Anger" is one of the best songs of the 90s. #FACT

I'm totally OWNING "Most socially awkward guy at a Tweetup" right now. No one better fuck this up for me.

I'm afraid I can't go to work today. I'm too busy keeping up with Facebook birthday notifications.

I was @lost_on42ndSt today. And I liked it better in 1992.

I wish MIDNIGHT BLUE was still on the air. THAT kind of a Saturday night. #LostNYC

I watched #Madness "Our House" video 10,000 times on #mTV. Back in 1983, I never dreamed Id see them live @coachella 30 years later.

Seagulls swarming and screaming at midnight? This can ONLY mean a catastrophic event is brewing. #2012

"Friday Im in Love" is the worst Cure song ever. How did it even get made? #sellouts