The best thing about having a QWERTY keyboard is being able to write QWERTY really fast.

Star unto others as you would have others star unto you.

- Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
- Same thing we do every night, Pinky.

TRY TO TAKE OVER THE LEADERBOARD !

It's one of those put your headphones on and up the volume to 400% so you can't hear anything around you kind of days.

I'm bringing Nickelback.
No? I'll show myself out.

I wish we could bottle up screams and use them later as alternative energy

Went to a job fair today. I feel like I betrayed you Twitter :(

Come on guys, not even generals talk about their privates as much as you do..

According to Favstar, speed reading is my new superpower.

OK, I give up ! I'm not reading you anymore. I had to use Google TWICE !

I bet Medusa's gaze wouldn't have any effect on twitter. Most of the people here are already stoned.

I see stars of gold..... retweets of blue.
Tweet Of The Day..... is not for you..
And I think to my self..... what a wonderful Board..

You all say "I like my women like I like my coffee.." But I don't like coffee. What does that mean? Because I like women. I promise, I do !

I'm thankful for the laundry basket because it provides the proper elevation for my laptop for when sit on the toilet.

You're so vein you probably think this needle is about you.

They sell bacon flavored margarine here o_O. Something tells me whoever came up with this has a Twitter account.

' I can see everything from up here, it's a pretty view. But I'm such a lonely apostrophe. *sigh

Whoa! look at all the cream, on the ground, on the bench , on the trees! I wanna go outside ! - said the naive kitten looking out the window

Forgive me twitter for I have sinned. It's been 11 days since my last tweet.

I collect years. Look! I got a new shiny one today :)