Some days, all I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask. That is all.

Found a bag with a disposable camera, 4 rolls of toilet paper, and fireworks in it. Now wondering what past mischief I forgot to complete.

secretly i wish the super mario bros. 1-up sound would play for every 100 times i click on stars/favorites in twitter.

Quietly reminiscing the poor choices I've made in my lifetime in the name of flavor.

it is a sad state of affairs when you have to use the lint roller on the ironing board.

gone out to make bad deep-fried decisions.

Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I wonder how many plans for world domination were launched from innocent napkin doodles.

Had my first crumpet today. Very good. And now I know there is a middle ground between pancakes and english muffins.

Unable to prevent a drunk friend from dryhumping my car.
Unexpected Bonus: Rear license plate is now shiny and polished.

Alcohol is the most efficacious solvent. It can rapidly dissolve inhibitions, relationships, commitments, and finances. #artwiculate

I share too many things in common with donuts, in terms of topology.

Note to self: No opening or closing ceremony is truly complete until some large unidentifiable iconic object is set on fire.

slowly metamorphosing into a fruit-based frozen treat. this will take some time.

Windows are wide open and freshness is in the air.

Soon to be followed by closed windows and antihistamines.

Today I am commemorating my inability to look around more than one corner at a time.

Feelings of wanderlust. Spare cash. New Tires. Fresh oil change. Baseball season. High level of temptation to run away for a while.

Had a dream I was the saddest pirate on the ship, for having drawn the shortest cutlass of the swords. Woke up feeling quite inadequate.

Measuring companies by market capitalization is like comparing people by how big their bubble-gum bubbles are.

Also, the term "let's water each other's crops" is the worst pickup line ever.