Love @LOLGOP. http://t.co/qI8yAw0R

Sex is overrated. Fellatio is over-played. May is Masturbation Month.

:D

@SoVibrant @thejustins86 @mikeasaursrex91 eye heart my bitches!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

I am really going to miss being young.

I love how when I do laundry, the condition of my apartment is improved by nearly 50%.

This may be the biggest thing to happen in my relationship with @zzap since that time I pretended we had one. http://t.co/JfyRvr1u

Not for us gays.
RT @TheKtotheM: "Wait, is dating an ugly girl a thing now?"

Deadly. Preventable. If AIDS is a gay plague, childbirth is the straight one.

This is the title of my next book.
RT @ryaninco: "If you can't fuck a friend who can you fuck?"

@MrFrankTweets obsessive does not begin to describe your personality.

Had a conversation with a friend about guys we find attractive, and a pic of @zzap may or may not have come up. #mymiddlenameiscreeper

@christopherryn a "top" fulfills the traditional male, insertive role, while "bottom" is typically the one having more fun.

@benpatrick90069 it's not supposed to happen until 6pm, but I was never clear on which time zone thats referencing.

Obama in the tizzle!
And by "tizzle," I mean Albuquerque.

Instead of retweeting everything from @tlrd's feed (too late), I'm just gonna tell you it's the best gay news source on the net. #ff

I forgot how much easier it is to masturbate when you're wearing shorts. #summerrocks

Ran 2.5 miles with @teejaylasdkf today. Then we celebrated with cake and beer.
#youredoingitwrong

Exactafuckinly.
@zzap
@google http://t.co/hWkgJQkt

Even sluts have feelings. We just have different priorities. #liveandletlive

If someone ever invents an adult toy that resembles a really fucked up duck, I totally have a marketing jingle for it.