samanthajcampen

@samanthajcampen

samantha jo campen

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I hate celery.
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@samanthajcampen best tweets
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Theo woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then he shouted "MOM! CAN YOU FLUSH FOR ME? I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU UP!"
Do you think Groupon will offer a special After Holiday Colonic or something? Because MAH PANTS MUST HAVE SHRUNK IN THE DRYER.
@jonniker He was RATIONALIZING between them. "Well that one is smaller for snuggles but THIS one plays MUSIC and THAT will help her SLEEP!"
You all like coffee. We get it. It's your lover/the only way you'll survive the morning/what's keeping you from killing everyone. Noted.
"Wow mom. Lisa must sure like butter because you've been eating a lot of it." *judgy stare*

That is why he's in a time-out until college.
TRUTH RT @overflowinbrain: Putting raisins in cinnamon rolls is like wearing tights as pants. It's a crime against humanity.
"That was a really long shower Mom. Does this mean you finally shaved your legs?"
"Mom? How the HECK do farmers get milk in those cows?"
I just saw a commercial for that whale movie and BURST out laughing thanks to @jonniker @That_Biz and @shriekhouse. #WHALES4EVA
Look, I'm not one to tell you what to do but making sure there's not a hole in the bag which will contain used cat litter IS ADVISABLE.
On a scale from 1-10, my desire to run face first into the cheesy potato casserole is at a 68. Stupid delicious dairy holiday food.
Now is a good time to update your homeowner/renter insurance--make sure it's current w/correct coverage. Check batteries in smoke detector.
"Thanks for my cereal mom! You're like a SERVANT!" Truer words have never been spoken. Fact.
"Mom if you look closely at my tongue, you will see my taste butts."
Two things: 1. A woman at my gate is dressed in ALL Burberry. WE GET IT, LADY. 2. I forgot sunglasses and ear buds. Am sad.