I came here to kick ass and assign IPv4 addresses.

And I'm all out of IPv4 addresses.

Can't wait for Google's "Rapture" doodle tomorrow.

If you work at a computer, it’s good to get up once an hour, stretch your legs, rest your eyes, and wonder what you’re doing with your life.

I bet in prison everyone's relationship status is set to "it's complicated".

I've never watched Lost, but one time I took acid and read a Choose Your Own Adventure book front to back, so I figure there's no need.

Discovered that a dwarf planet is just a small planet, not a planet of dwarves. Disassembling the rocket, selling the nets, crying a little.

One is the loneliest number. Seven is kinda racist. Nine needs to just come out already. Four drinks to forget. Three is angry, so so angry.

FAT GOTH RUNNING, THERE'S A FAT GOTH RUNNING OUTSIDE, OH GOD IT'S JUST LIKE I IMAGINED IT WOULD BE.

I'm giving up for Lent.

Seen from a distance, my life could be described as simply a series of arguments with increasingly smaller metal boxes.

The creator of the frisbee has died. As a tribute I will be spending the day lodged irrevocably in a roof gutter.

I'm learning to play the guitar. My neighbour is learning to hate the guitar. Everyone's learning! Yay!

Ice-dancers are what happens when you feed a ballerina after midnight.

One does not simply sashay, sashay, Fosse, TURN, pause, (big smile) jazz-hands! into Mordor.

A city is only really home when you stop being mystified by its public transport system and instead are just constantly angry at it.

You know what really separates the men from the boys? This dangerous, rusty and very invasive man/boy separating machine I just designed.

"Stop making up things about me on the internet," said my housemate, as he rode his Russian, mail-order bride around like a fat, sassy pony.

Air-quoted while using chopsticks at lunch. Pretty sure this is how I'll only air-quote from now on. I felt like a smart, sarcastic crab.

Returning my stewardess to the upright position.

Accidentally called a UPS delivery guy "a Fedex guy." He laughed, but his eyes delivered a package of deep sadness for which I had to sign.