sha_suga

@sha_suga

Sha Suga

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@sha_suga best tweets
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sha_suga
Nevermind my cut finger or the blackeye, the important thing is that the wine bottles open.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching the walls of my apartment now looking for a similar button.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Whoever slept with my husband last night to put him in such a great mood today ~ I thank you.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
MY DAD IS FOLLOWING ME, QUICK ACT NORMAL!

"Now if you'll all please turn your books to John 3:16 we'll get started w/ today's tweets."
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Has anybody seen my ... oh nevermind, I found a cucumber.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Guy @ gas station: 'U look like a supermodel ... that's really tired.'

Me: 'Thx. U look like a nice guy ... that's really a dick.'
@sha_suga
sha_suga
Weather man said 'you're gonna get wet at some point during the day and some of you may see 6-8 inches' Holy shit, can't wait!
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Holy shit!

You guys ... he left a gold star on the night stand!

Best date ever!
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
OMG THE MILK EXPIRES IN AN HOUR! Hurry, grab your bowls ... cereal for everyone ... LET'S GO PEOPLE! MOVE YOUR ASS, THIS IS A CRISIS.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much.

I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
I'm wearing pants, a shirt, AND shoes, which is way to overdressed for Wal-mart
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Don't look at me like that. I can drink my wine from a sippy cup if I want to.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Can I borrow someone's family jewels for just a sec? Just long enough to be able to tell this asshole to suck my left nut.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
WHO DO YOU HAVE TO BANG AROUND HERE TO GET A STAR?

Oh wait!

I meant to say ...

Excuse me sir, where's your restrooms?
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Don't know what all the bitching is about, working full time & being a single parent is a walk in the park...IF THAT PARK IS IN HELL!
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Somedays I go commando. Not to be sexy it's more like ... each day that passes ... I'm loosing more of my f'kn mind & I forget.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
I'm sorry. I'm just not comfortable using a lotion called Lubriderm.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Whatta know. Weather man was part right. I did get wet today. Still waiting for that 6-8 inches though.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Losing 3 followers over a liquor store tweet makes me think some of you could use a f'kn drink.
@sha_suga
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sha_suga
Really proud of the whoever invented the toothpick. While everyone else was picking teeth, they went out & widdled a solution.
@sha_suga