Dear guys who look like girls from behind. Stop it.

Notice how people want to be tan, but not black?

It's funny how alot of these black guys on Twitter have names like treat ladies right, or repect em. I've listened to rap before.
#liars

Metallica quit fucking around. Get Jason Newsted back. Lock yourselves in a room and put out remastered, albums prior Black album.
#illbuyit

Is a beautiful intelligent brunette that's not crazy too much to ask for?

If anyone is reading this, help.
I ran out of toilet paper.

How long before my roots start showing on my anus?

The bong, she whispers my name

There are only two kinds of people in this world. Ones who like Trivium, or those who like Avenged Sevenfold.

Shopping for discount dildos is usually last on my list for achievements, but today it'll be right b4 bobbing for tampons in a tuna stack

Want a beautiful relationship, find yourself a hooker. Cut to the chase, give her money and she'll give you what you want in a relationship.

Rule of thumb, wipe your nose before you wipe your ass.

Mark Hamill you will always be my joker

Remember ladies, if he used an open hand, its because he cares about you.

Rather watch someone breaking wind, then breaking dawn
RT @BeautyBeyondd: Hearing a lot of good things about Breaking Dawn.

When you smoke with me, you will always get greens, because im a fucking gentleman like that.

In the wrong hands, bacon can take over the world.

If vagina was spelled b-a-c-o-n, I would die from a heart attack and clogged arteries.

It seems the creepier and weirder you look in your avi, the more fans you get. Maybe I'll just start usin the ol mug shot.

You know who's having sex right now?


Not me.
#showmeurbluevein