Working on my novel. Would you believe a short story? Essay? Okay, a tweet.

Touché, douché.

I buy Nokia because I don't deserve to be happy. And that should be their slogan, too.

Is there a 4square for letting people know where you are emotionally?

I'm putting my money where my mouth is. (I lost my wallet).

If you build it he will come. Because he's a pervert. Who gets off watching people build things. Mostly at construction sites.

White people answer the phone like this: "Hello?" Black people answer it like... well, I don't really know. I live in Finland.

Suck it, Internet. I'm gonna read a book. That I ordered from the Internet.

Jürgen Habermas's Twitter account is unverified. Yeah, like I'm gonna fall for that one again.

I thought I had real human feelings and desires but I've now replaced them with the anticipation of seeing Thor in 3D.

Fuck it. I'll write a book.

In my country, we believe the aurora borealis is caused by David Boreanaz.

I keep confusing this Leno Conan thing with Leonard Cohen.

I like my tea like I like my women. Loose.

I have a massive head injury. It's called my face.

Jesus, Facebook. My farm. MY FARM!

When writing an online dating profile should I mention that I’ve never had an STD or would that just be jinxing it?

Ugh, my sausage fingers. Mmmm, sausage fingers. Ouch, MY FINGERS!!!

If that Lady-GaGa-is-a-man rumour was a trick to get her to do nudity in that Telephone video — kudos. Now, start one about Zooey Deschanel.

I'm excited about the Oscars. I can't wait to see who Mickey Rourke is wearing. Hope it's someone famous.