Barack Obama on violence against peaceful protestors: http://t.co/kJuRUUun

Current Status: http://t.co/2ZTsZoTQ

"Is it ironic or sad that people will pay $4 for a latte that takes five minutes to make, but not an app that took five months?" - @camh

I don't know why English has so many silent letters, like the k in knock. And invisible letters, like the k in dictatorship.

Occasionally a little sarcasm slips in to my tweet stream.

You probably won't notice it though.

Favstar database is 70GB now. 70GB of dick and fart jokes.

Tweeting bullshit since day 1™

Related: our first day in the USA taught me that I didn't previously know the meaning of obesity.

Do these tweets make me look like I'm fucking procrastinating?

Yes I run a porn site. It was an accident.

There's no such thing as too many tacos.

Almost forgot today's #FF. @a @b @c @d @e @f @g @h @i @j @k @l @m @n @o @p @q @r @s @t @u @v @w @x @y @z

Significant to web engineers: Twitter's moving away from Hashbangs (#!). http://t.co/6QWUR9yr

Dear Mayans, please explain that story one more time. A little more slowly perhaps?

I can't believe you guys let me go to Walmart. Assholes.

I don't remember his name, but I could draw a picture of his avatar for you.

Owning a sugar plantation would be pretty sweet.

Sushi without wasabi is like Robin without Batman.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens on the internet, stays on the internet.

"Please delete my tweets from your website. I'm a <job requiring responsibility> and can't have those tweets linked to me."