Yes, I did just say: "Batman didn't walk around with his penis hanging out of his diaper. Put your penis away."

You heard correctly.

Hub keeps on talking about how much weight he's lost.

Keep it up buddy. I'm gonna help you lose 10 lbs. when I cut off your fucking head.

Know what is better than an orgasam?

Your kid asking to go to bed.

My autospell knows douchebaggery.

Total. Awesomeness.

Kid is also stuffy. Asked earlier if he can go to "Sucky Jesus" aka: Chucky Cheese's.

Yes, I asked him to repeat 1000 times.

Home: where underwear is optional.

But not without pants. Underwear or pants 'cause your asshole is NOT touching my couch.

Yes, Mommy's orange juice does taste funny.

Please don't drink it.

Just won a free small drink from McD's!

Living the dream Bitches! Living the dream...

Hubs taught the Boys that Boys have a Penis. I just wish that he hadn't taught them that girls have a "snack bag".

I love my new clear storage containers for my fridge.

Now I can see how rotten the leftovers are without having to open them.

Kid:I see a red plane!
Me:Wanna paint it black?
Kid: No! It's red!

Another Rolling Stones reference wasted on the young.
*Sigh*

Aaaaaand now the 3 yo had discovered his penis can "get big".

A real day of discovery around here today.

3 yo playing with Batman and Robin while humming wedding march.


Yep, Happy Coming Out Day little one!

Finally showed Hubs my secret outlet : this Twitter stream.

Thank god he laughed. I couldn't afford an attorney.

Only a dead body left in the sun for three days is more bloated than I am.

Sorry for the TMI but if I'm uncomfortable you can be too.

My 2 yo can open his own juice boxes. If I can get him potty trained, I won't have to get up till noon.

Hubs woke me to tell me I was snoring this am. Bitch! That means I was sleeping great!

For sale:One Husband. Mostly used.

For Halloween, I'm gonna go drunk.

3 yo just announced that he hates beaver.

Prolly Beaver from Franklin but this might be is coming out day.

Mucinex: you make my pee smell funny. Asparagus is the secret ingredient?